This may not be the first birthday greeting you've received but you have to admit... it's the very latest. Happy Belated Birthday from one trendsetter to another.
How I tried to remember your birthday! I wrote the date upon my hand and also in a planner. I hired a plane to jog my brain by pulling a great big banner. I taped your picture on the fridge so thoughts of you would linger. And finally, I found some string . . . and tied it to my finger. But I must've tied it too tight, 'cause I cut off my circulation, passed out, and didn't come to until your birthday was over. Happy Belated!
These new memory pills I've been taking have made my hair thick and shiny. Unfortunately, they haven't done a thing for me brain. Sorry I missed your birthday. (Hope it was happy)
Top Ten Reasons that this Birthday Greeting Is Late
10. I was out collecting cans and bottles along the roadside and well time just flew.
9. I took a bullet for the president and have just regained consciousness.
8. I didn't want to be the first to remind you that you're another year closer to the big sleep.
7. Just gave birth to septuplets.
6. I was busy conducting sensitive negotiations that may, at long last, bring peace to our troubled planet.
5. I've just emerged from surfing on the internet, non-stop, for 359 days. (I think that's a record.)
4. I'm tired...I'm so very tired.
3. I was arrested after getting into the express lane with 13 items.
2. I was stricken with a very specific form of amnesia that affected only my ability to remember birthdays. And the number one reason this birthday greeting is late... I'm thoughtless and I don't deserve to live. (It may sound harsh, but it needed to be said.)
Happy Belated Birthday!
I'm so sorry I missed your birthday, but I have a really good excuse. Do you want to hear it? Yes no okay, okay - I can't lie! The truth is, I messed up! Can you ever forgive me? Thanks! I hope you had a Happy Birthday and that's the truth! Well gotta go - I'm meeting the President... we're gonna take a space shuttle up to Mars and Play some ping-pong see ya!
Life ripens at just the right pace, but if we look away, even for just an instant we might miss its sweetest moment. Forgive me for missing your birthday. I hope your day was everything you dreamt of. Happy Birthday!